Avoiding the "what was I thinking" relationship

Avoiding the “what was I thinking” relationship

Ladies, let’s talk about men, dating and big red flags.

If you’ve been on the dating scene for a couple of years then you know how a relationship with the right man can enhance your life in a million ways.

And you also probably know how a bad relationship can just as quickly sap the joy from your life.

The reality is that too often we let our desire to be in a relationship cloud our judgment when it comes to picking a partner.

Whether it’s because we’re lonely, or want to fit in with our partnered peers, or feeling pressure from family, sometimes we jump into the relationship sea when we should have kept our feet firmly on the shore.

And, despite knowing we need to end the relationship, we fight the good fight to work things out.

Once we invest our time and emotional energy in a relationship, we’re reluctant to call it quits even when it’s not meeting our needs.  We feel a sense of obligation to work things out.

But the reality is that we may be throwing our time and emotional energy into a bottomless pit. There is really nothing there worth investing in – because it was a poor fit from day one.

So, how about a new approach? A mini red flag checklist to help avoid falling into the “wow, I should have seen that coming” relationship black hole.

Red flag #1 Good on paper but your intuition is screaming “no”

Avoiding the "what was I thinking" relationship

Men can be like shoes. Some look really really great when we try them on, but something is off in the fit. The longer we wear them, the more painful they become so we walk around looking great but feeling miserable. And at the end of the day, our feet hurt.

Here’s the thing. The slightly too tight or too high or too narrow at the toe feeling is there from the second we slip those shoes on in the store. We know we’re making a poor choice before we spend our money and take them home. But, sometimes we ignore those little twinges that warn us of the pain to come and buy them anyway.

No matter how many of your theoretical “what I want in a partner” boxes a guy checks off – if your gut is telling you “no”, listen to that instinct and walk away.

Red flag #2 He wants to change you. 

Avoiding the "what was I thinking" relationship
It’s your job in life to be exactly who you are.

A little variety and difference are great as long as there is a mutual appreciation for those differences.

But if your potential mate is an outdoor sports enthusiast and your idea of a good time is a bottle of wine and snuggling on the couch –  you are going to spend a lot of time being uncomfortable.

If you are awkward and quirky and snort when you laugh – keep being you and look for the partner who will appreciate those traits.

Red flag #3 He tells you all his exes are crazy.

Avoiding the "what was I thinking" relationship

Run for the nearest exit and save your sanity.

Relationships end for a variety of reasons and sometimes one person really is primarily to blame. But, once the dust settles, most people can look back and realize there was mutual accountability.

If a man has a history of drama filled, emotionally explosive and destructive relationships with no self-awareness of how he contributed to the situation, you’re just in line to be the next “crazy ex”.

THE RIGHT FIT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE FORCED

There is no perfect person – we are all flawed. Those flaws are sometimes the most beautiful parts of being human and learning and growing.

Avoiding the "what was I thinking" relationship

 

But, when you find the imperfect person whose flaws you embrace, and who embraces yours in turn – that’s the good fitting pair of shoes you can comfortably walk through life with.

Whether it’s because we’re lonely, or want to fit in with our partnered peers, or feeling pressure from family, sometimes we just want to be in a relationship so much we are willing to enter a relationship where we know from the start that we aren’t a good fit. But before investing emotions into a relationship evaluate the signs that it might just not be a good fit from the start