Avoiding the "what was I thinking" relationship

Avoiding the “what was I thinking” relationship

Ladies, let's talk about men, dating and big red flags.

Too often we let our desire to be in a relationship cloud our judgment when it comes to picking a partner. Whether it’s because we’re lonely, or want to fit in with our partnered peers, or feeling pressure from family, we sometimes jump too quickly into the relationship sea when we should have just kept our feet firmly on the shore.  So, how about a new approach? A mini red flag checklist to help avoid falling into the “wow, I should have seen that coming” relationship black hole.

If you’ve been on the dating scene for a couple of years then you know how a relationship with the right man can enhance your life in a million ways.  Even though he might look like the average Joe to the rest of the world, he's your own personal Superman.  He can make you feel pretty on your frumpiest days. is the perfect partner in crime when you're feeling adventurous and helps make a pitcher of delicious lemonade when life has handed you a bucket of lemons.

And you also probably know how a relationship with the wrong partner can just as quickly sap the joy from your life, make you question your sanity and want to bang your head into the nearest wall.

Once we have invested our time and emotional energy into a relationship, we're reluctant to call it quits even when it's not meeting our needs. Even when we know it's a toxic relationship, we find ourselves fighting the good fight to "work things out".

But the reality is that we may be throwing our time and emotional energy into a bottomless pit. There is really nothing there worth investing in - because it was a poor fit from day one.  Instead of spending our time and energy trying to fix or flee a bad relationship, let's look at some thejtop three warning flags to avoid...before it becomes a relationship.

Red flag #1 Good on paper but your intuition is screaming “no”

Avoiding the "what was I thinking" relationship

Men can be like shoes. Some look really really great when we try them on, but something is off in the fit. The longer we wear them, the more painful they become so we walk around looking great but feeling miserable. And at the end of the day, our feet hurt.

Here’s the thing. The slightly too tight or too high or too narrow at the toe feeling is there from the second we slip those shoes on in the store. We know we’re making a poor choice before we spend our money and take them home. But, sometimes we ignore those little twinges that warn us of the pain to come and buy them anyway.

No matter how many of your theoretical “what I want in a partner” boxes a guy checks off - if your gut is telling you “no”, listen to that instinct and walk away.

Red flag #2 He wants to change you. 

Avoiding the "what was I thinking" relationship

A little variety in taste and differences of opinion are great as long as there is a mutual appreciation for those differences.

But if your potential mate is an outdoor sports enthusiast and your idea of a good time is a bottle of wine and snuggling on the couch -  you are going to spend a lot of time being uncomfortable.

If you are awkward and quirky and snort when you laugh - keep being you and look for the partner who will appreciate those traits.

It’s your job in life to be exactly who you are. Really, that's it.

Red flag #3 He tells you all his exes are crazy.

Avoiding the "what was I thinking" relationship

Run for the nearest exit and save your sanity.

Relationships end for a variety of reasons and sometimes one person really is primarily to blame. But, once the dust settles, most people can look back and realize there was mutual accountability.

If a man has a history of drama filled, emotionally explosive and destructive relationships with no self-awareness of how he contributed to the situation, you’re just in line to be the next “crazy ex”.

THE RIGHT FIT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE FORCED

There is no perfect person - we are all flawed. Those flaws are sometimes the most beautiful parts of being human and learning and growing.

But, when you find the imperfect person whose flaws you embrace, and who embraces yours in turn - that’s the good fitting pair of shoes you can comfortably walk through life with.